I got this in my email and I'm sorry I do not have the artists name.
 Letter from a friend
As I sit here in the comfort of my home....I ponder upon the events of this last week. I am not personally affected by these acts of terrorism. I do not know anyone who was there and made it out or anyone who died. I am alive and well and until today, I've been in disbelief. Yet, today I am reading survivor stories and hearing on the news of them finding, not bodies, but parts. Pieces of people, who were a week ago, alive. Alive and breathing. Living their lives, just as I am now. Comfortable in their homes, enjoying their families. Then they went to work.
I cannot comprehend the enormity of what has happened.
Last night as I was in bed trying to fall asleep, I tried to imagine my life minus my husband, my sister, my father.....but I couldn't. And now as I watch my son playing, I think of all those thousands of families who are without a family member. All those who may never get to see their loved one whole again.
When my daughter, Amanda, died and then was stillborn, I was able to hold her and have time to say goodbye to her lifeless body. I was able to physically SEE that she was dead. Those people may not have that. All they may be able to say good-bye to is a hand, or a leg or a head. As grotesque as that is, it is something. Some may not get even that.
I struggle to grasp what this means, to justify that small pleasures in life that I get to experience. Yesterday we went to a go-cart track and had fun for 2 1/2 hours. Driving free with the wind in my hair and the smell of clean air in my nose. I try to think of those families who are still waiting for news of their loved one, weeping in fearful dread, for that fatal phone call. A knock on the door could be someone bringing food and a hug, or it could be a policeman bringing awful news. A confirmation of their fears.
I wonder how I can sit here in comfort while they grieve......When Amanda died, I wanted the world to stop while I grieved. But it didn't, nor does it now. Sure, everyone paused for a day or two, but now it is continuing.
I find myself reconsidering my selfish "need" for another baby. Do I really want to bring another child in to a world filled with such hate and violence? Is it fair of me to ask God for a child when I am so unsure of the future? How can I , in good conscience, ask a child to live in a polluted society, a society where nothing matters but selfishness, revenge, immorality and hate? How do I explain these tragic things to my 3 1/2 year old, when I myself do not understand?
I kissed my husband good-bye yesterday as he went out on a job for 10 days. It's hard enough explaining to my son when daddy will be back. But what of these parents who have to try to explain that daddy will never return? Who will wrestle with those sons, and teach them to throw a baseball? Who will hug those daughters and read them a bedtime story before tucking them in at night? When will the madness end?
I turn to God and say- IS it time for the tribulation? Are You coming for us soon? I am ready, dear God, as unworthy as I am, I need You. I need Your comfort and Your guidance. Oh God, help me! Oh God, help them! God help me to make sense of life. Help me to cherish the things I have and the family I love. And to remember those who have lost cherished loved ones. Oh God, make Yourself seen!
So I sigh and I sit back and I wonder what is to come. All I know is that I need to work extra hard to bring more into His fold. And I need to pray more, and read my Bible. I am so unworthy and full of black sin. God forgive me and help me to be Your vessel. Cleanse me and make me white as snow. |
